Buddha or something

I’ve been away a while¬†doing some LIVING, which has been awesome and challenging and fun and heartbreaking. So, yah pretty much life- right? I’m not sure it is really anything to write about? It’s just that I made this commitment to myself, audience or no, that I would write a blog about showing up and breathing and being in the moment and pushing my limits. And the commitment has been whispering in my ear, “hey what about that blog, you boldly started and then sort of forgot about? What about the badass snowflake thing?”

So, What about the badass snowflake thing? I set out to be engaged in life and to talk about it. I had some goals in mind, one of which was to run a 5K. I made it nearly to my goal. The last time I ran was for over 2 miles, which I considered a miracle! Literally, I hadn’t run since I was like 10 years old and never for that kind of distance. It was a personal triumph for me. I was sad to have to give it up but, the pain in my knees was a big warning sign that I needed to find an alternative form of exercise, at least until I am stronger and lighter. What was cool about this was seeing that I could achieve something that had seemed impossible for me the day before I started. I can run. It does feel good to breathe hard and get sweaty! I love that.

I think that I mentioned in a previous post the list of 50? And I steadily checked things off that list like: the sailboat that I wanted and my husband found one for me and it was free! #34 check. Increased flexibility to sit crossed legged comfortably for extended periods of time. Done. I have recently revised/re-written my list of 50. As it became clear I was going to make this stuff happen, I thought I should take another look at my wants and make sure that I really wanted them. Some editing was required! Anyway, after a busy summer of checking things off my list and spending time with friends and working, working, working, it is good to be back.

Now that I have filled you in on the last couple of months…Let’s talk about meditating. Because this is one thing that I want to incorporate into my daily practice. It is one thing that regularly makes me feel uncomfortable, out of my element and well, rubbish. I should say that I also have glimpses of feeling awesome, relaxed and grounded while meditating but, truly just glimpses for now. Mostly, I find myself distracted, planning, rehearsing and wondering what to wear to that thing coming up. Today, I was thinking about what to make for dinner. I am sometimes amused by my wandering mind and gently remind myself to come back to my breath. You know, let the thoughts drift through like clouds or something. More often though, I am frustrated and wondering what is wrong with my brain that it won’t shut up! I suspect, it is not unlike the jogging, in that, I am not straight away amazing at it. I am going to have to practice, probably for ever. I mean what happens when you become perfect at meditating, anyway? You turn into Buddha or something? I’m going to enjoy this imperfect practice for the time and wait to hear how you quiet your mind…